Category: Janene Justifiables Published on Friday, 26 August 2011 21:44 Written by Janene Ryan Hits: 1227
Q: What do you do when being independent gets in the way of relationship? On use to doing pretty much everything on my own and making moves without having to acknowledge anyone's feels or what they think before making them . Now in this very serious relationship it’s like I get penalized for being independent, when that was a trait that attracted him in the first place. I don't get it; I'm not sure how to be independent and needy at the same time without feeling crazy. ~Amazonian Weakling
Dear Amazonian Weakling: This seems to be a major topic of discussion amongst the sexes. There are several women, not just you, wearing “STRONG WOMEN” T-Shirts and pumping their fist in the air. And although I’m known to have driven several of those rallies, I’m going to take a backseat this time.
Being a strong woman ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. A woman’s strengths can work against her sometimes – especially if she’s dealing with a man who has some manhood issues himself. If your strengths are too much for him to handle then perhaps he’s not man enough to handle you. However, if your strengths are too overpowering and emasculating, then maybe you’re not as strong as you think you are. Meaning, are you using that term “strong woman” as a defense.
When a man is attracted to a strong woman it’s because he sees potential in her; And that potential boils down to whether she can be a Helpmate to him or not. No man wants a weak woman. And when I say weak I mean someone who will not be a help to him and what he is trying to accomplish for the greater good of the union. Men who are looking for a serious relationship are usually attracted to strong women because they’re looking for strengths that will improve him as a person. Nonetheless, sometimes the same strengths a man is looking for is even too much for him to bear.
It’s so easy for us women who are use to doing everything for ourselves to continue doing it. We want what we want when we want it. However, when we get into a relationship ME becomes WE. That means “I” have to start thinking about “US”! We have to understand, that even as a strong woman who can handle things on our own doesn’t mean it’s our job. We are women and we must carry ourselves as such, but what’s wrong, babygirl, with allowing yourself to rest and let someone else carry the weight of life? What’s wrong with throwing both hands up in surrender and letting him take the lead? If he’s capable, why not allow him to do it? That doesn’t make you a weakling. In fact, it makes you a woman who is even more comfortable in her own skin.
We, as women, need to learn to be submissive in a way that can allow him to play his role as a man and us to play our role as a woman so that the relationship can be mutually beneficial for both parties. What we have to stop doing is castrating our men by playing their role!
Now let me ask, if you humble yourself a little will it make you less of a woman/person? Are your strengths emasculating him? Is he asking you to depend a little more on him and not yourself? Has he proven himself to be what you need him to be? The reason I’m asking these questions is because I’m trying to find out if your strengths are even too strong for you. I’m not going to harp on the men too much because I know how we women can be. Because we’ve been the “man”; meaning having to handle things on our own, we don’t know how to allow a REAL MAN to have his place in our lives. As soon as he does something that we normally would not do then we want to push him aside and handle things on our own. That’s a NO-NO when we’ve said, asked and even prayed for a man to come in and be just that – A MAN.
Of course he’s not going to do everything perfect: he will say, do and act foolishly at times. Neither am I saying play the “damsel in distress” role. But if he’s worth keeping because he does more good than bad, and he has the potential to be a great man (with your help) then we have to be willing to adjust our actions. One way to show a man you have his back is to allow him to be the man G-d created him to be.
That being said you can remain the independent woman you’re so proudly proclaiming; you can just think about your own feelings and not give too rats about his; you can continue to do everything you want to – on your own. But just know ON YOUR OWN will be the final outcome. Feel me? Be Blessed!