Category: Janene Justifiables
Published on Monday, 16 April 2012 19:28
Written by Janene Ryan
Q: Is it ever ok to go backwards and re-date an ex? ~Considering a Step Back
Dear Considering a Step Back:
I’m beginning to love the word DATE; it’s such a progressive word. I know it may sound weird but just think for a moment what it has the opportunity to bring about: newness, love, companionship and maybe even marriage. Now doesn’t that sound nice? However, dating – in several cases – can mean just the opposite. Let’s analyze what re-dating an EX can possibly imply.
Ask yourself why you’re considering re-dating an EX. Is it because you’re lonely and you know that person is available? It is because your heart was never separated from his/hers when the split occurred and you find yourself being drawn back? Is it because you still have some reservations about the relationship – perhaps you/y’all didn’t give it everything it needed to survive the first time and you/y’all want to see if anything is left? Or, is it because you/y’all are in a more mature place in your lives, and perhaps, things can be different this time? All of those points are valid because you have to analyze your own heart to determine your own motives. And although most people won’t admit this, I have no shame in putting it on the table: Sometimes we try to fool ourselves into doing what we know we shouldn’t. Likewise, we also try to talk ourselves out of what we know is best for us.
I think it’s funny that you used the word backwards when referencing forward movement in your life. If going backwards means that you will be returning to the headache and heartache that caused you two to split in the first place, then I would say what’s the point, because you already know what the outcome will be? On the flipside, sometimes taking a step back is, in fact, taking a step forward. In other words, DON’T DIG UP A DEAD DOG AND DON’T TRY TO BURY A LIVE ONE! [Contemplate that!]
Many people would probably see the word backwards in a negative connotation; as in not progressing, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, sometimes going backwards, or having a second chance at something could be the grace of G-d. Perhaps HE knew that you/y’all was not prepared to deal with the relationship and the work that it required. Or perhaps, maybe this second chance will contain the love, understanding and commitment you guys didn’t have the first time. And maybe – I could be too hopeful – this second chance is actually the first chance at true love!
For a long time I was not a big fan of second chances. Primarily because I felt that if the situation was messed up the first go-around, then it wasn’t meant to be. Nevertheless, as I grew and matured I realized that second chances are and can be a beautiful thing because it gives you the opportunity to right that which was wrong! Consider all aspects of what you will/might be returning to and move accordingly. Going backwards could mean just that. Or it could be the first step in the right direction. Be Blessed!
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